Nature's Process of Healing: The Grieving Process

Nature is truly a marvel. We’re born with an innate process that’s meant to be used throughout our lives whenever we encounter painful experiences to bring us back to a pleasant state of mind. But few of us were fortunate enough to be taught that it’s natural to use this process, called grieving, for any life experience that’s unpleasant.

We just don’t know how to be safe enough to feel unpleasant feelings and work through them using natures healing process. We’ll do anything to numb our painful feelings which is why we have such a high rate of addictions.

Any time we face unpleasant situations, we have to make choices to move beyond the feelings they bring in order to regain balance within.  But in our society, it’s prevalent that a child is to be seen and not heard so the child suffers in silence causing them to lose this innate process with which they’re born.

It’s normal to not want to face difficulties. Our brain perceives unpleasant things as being painful. So, nature provides us with “denial,” the first place we go until we figure out how to deal with the situation. So, most of us enter this stage of figuring out how to deal with the current event but still cannot believe we have to deal with it. Many of us never feel safe enough to get beyond this stage which is how we learn to “avoid” finding solutions.  But, “what we resist, persists.”

We may experience feeling disoriented and confused as we work through the dilemma. If we allow the natural flow of the healing process, we’ll find our self angry at the injustice of this occurrence. If we then have the tools to safely process our angry feelings, we’ll reach healing… that place where we “accept” what has happened and figure out how to deal with it.

A great prophet once called this “the greatest truths: first, there is suffering. Second, the suffering is caused by the clinging of the mind. Third, letting go of the clinging (which some call acceptance or surrender) relieves the suffering.”  This is a concise description of the grieving process. And these are the tools to working through it.

We somehow have managed to make people believe that something is wrong with them if they feel sad instead of acknowledging the sad situation and helping them process through it. There is suffering in all of our lives and learning how to move through it is one of the most important tools we can learn.

In our neck of the woods there are numerous 55+ communities where great loss, including death and disability, comes to each of us, so, let’s become familiar with the stages of grieving tools.

The first stage of denial includes shock when death or a great loss is incurred. In this stage, we hope for a miracle that this fact is not true and this is slow to dissipate. Shock numbs us with the body’s natural anesthesia and we just hope we will awaken from this nightmare. Shock requires medical attention because it will cause your body to shut down as it perceives this to be too huge for you to overcome. Most of us just go into denial and do not reach the depths of “shock” but it’s essential that it is evaluated if it’s suspected.

As this initial stage slowly processes, we feel disoriented and confused, like in a daze, as we come out of the numbness of denial or the depths of shock. We’re overwhelmed by the suffering and disorganized for quite a while. Crying is healing and is natural during this process, so let yourself cry. Our obligation to our self is to keep safe. A good rule of thumb is to limit crying to 20 minutes, recognizing that you will be able to process more the next day so you do not use too much energy and become ill.

We may become intensely preoccupied with what needs to be done and our mind may race as we obsess with the details involved. This takes up so much of our energy that we may become fatigued… sometimes to a severe level affecting our entire bodily functions. So keep yourself safe and well.

When we can feel anger, it’s a very promising sign. It’s natural to feel that this loss is an injustice as you did not deserve it, so anger is very appropriate during the grieving process. It’s critical that we express this anger intentionally to heal or we’ll remain stuck in the anger. I’m sure all of us have encountered people who are angry at everything because they are stuck in that stage.

Some healthy ways to release anger are to hit golf balls, play tennis, dance, play racket ball, shoot some hoops, take a long brisk walk or scream into a pillow. Remember, there must be a clear intention to release the anger as you do these activities if it is to work. There are many ways and you will figure out what you need to do to safely release the pent up emotions that remain in your muscles.

It’s important to recognize that the loneliness and desire for this to go away are just a part of the process of healing. Time truly is the best healer of wounds to our spirit as we allow ourselves to process the feelings and fill the voids the situation brings.

As reality sinks in, we begin to accept the loss and our loneliness is slowly replaced by our natural urge - curiosity – to become involved with life again. We will begin to seek ways to relieve the loneliness and begin to re-enter life as our senses restore to normal levels. We may experience aftershocks and need to re-organize again as we find our new “normal.” It’s just part of the process.

We’re fortunate today that science recognizes that support group focused upon your situation is the most effective healing process. We have support groups for grieving, addictions and women’s issues.

When we recognize that this process is actually how we deal with all of life’s painful experiences (physical or emotional), it takes away the fear created by thinking we have to learn something “new.” We’re merely re-learning how to use nature’s gifts to keep us balanced within.